


The Pranking Thing

by MadMegatax



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-06
Updated: 2012-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-04 21:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/398586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadMegatax/pseuds/MadMegatax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is truly the best there is when it comes to pranks. This time, his victim is Rose Lalonde. Again. It's weird how her Seer of Light powers don't help her at all when it comes to getting pranked...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pranking Thing

John had a good feeling about this prank. It seemed like a funny idea when he first came up with it, but he underestimated the effort it would take to make it actually work. However, in the end he felt that the time spent on the prank was worth it, and he hoped that at least several people would fall victim to one of the traps. He set up as many as he could throughout the house that everyone now called home after finishing the game.

As he added the final touches to the setup in the kitchen, he heard the footsteps of someone approaching from the hall. John froze, and then quickly floated down from where he was flying before. He frantically looked around the kitchen for a place to hide, but he couldn’t find anything that could successfully hold him and his long god tier hood. Instead, he hastily ran over to the fridge and opened it. Hopefully, the person entering the room would not be suspicious of John as he rummaged through the fridge.

“Hello, John.” John ducked out from behind the fridge door to see Rose standing at the entrance to the kitchen, absentmindedly fanning herself.

“Hey, Rose!” Oh, this would be _hilarious_ if it all worked out. “What’s up?”

“I’m feeling a bit dehydrated. It seems as if the temperature increased in the house over the past fifteen minutes, for some inexplicable reason.” Rose raised an eyebrow at John.

Uh oh. “Really? I haven’t noticed. Do you want me to get you something to drink?”

“You shouldn’t feel obligated to do so,” Rose said.

“That’s just your passive aggressive talk for ‘thanks John’! I’m onto you and your cryptic ways.” John went back to the fridge to find a drink for Rose. Or, at least pretend to. At least he knew part of his plan was working. Now to see what Rose would do next…

He peeked around the fridge to see Rose leaning against the table now, looking very uncomfortable. She glanced around the room, trying to find any other source of relief from the enduring heat. Finally, her eyes locked onto the ceiling fan.

John peeked out from behind the fridge door, eyes widening in anticipation. _Yes! Come on, Rose, you know you want to turn it on…_

Rose approached the fan, and to John it seemed like she was deliberately taking her time. He didn’t even bother to look through the fridge anymore as he watched Rose stand on her toes to reach the fan.

_Just a little closer…_

Rose extended her arm to grab the cord. As her fingers wrapped around the string, John felt as if time was moving slower and slower.

_Come on…_

Finally, she gave the cord a light tug. There was no resistance as she pulled, however, and she suddenly stumbled forward as streams of colorful confetti piled onto her head. Looking up, she saw a plastic container rolling around on one of the fan blades before it fell off, making a clattering sound as it hit the floor.

“YES! Oh man, that was so great. That was definitely worth all the work! You should see yourself Rose! You never even saw that coming!” John rolled around on floor, unable to stop laughing. Rose picked up a strand of confetti from her clothes before sighing.

“Well played, Egbert. No one can possibly hope to beat you in a prank-off. You are simply the best there is.”

“Heheh… thanks, Rose.” John wiped away some tears as he stood up, and he moved in a bit closer to admire his work. “You know, the confetti look is really good for you!”

“The bright, clashing colors certainly do add a unique quality to one’s appearance,” Rose said. “Am I correct in assuming that these are set up all around the house?”

“There’s a good chance that you are right in your assumptions.” John tried to hold in some more snickers as Rose started shaking off the confetti. She grimaced when she realized that the confetti was sticking to her skin and clothes.

“I hope you didn’t slather these pieces of paper with superglue.”

“Nah, it’s more like band-aid stickiness. It’s not really a great prank if you could just shake off the confetti! I might as well just be dumping actual pieces of paper on you then! And that would be sort of lame.”

Rose smiled wryly. “I suppose I shouldn’t question the so-called pranking master.”

“So-called?” John gasped in mock indignation. “Only a few are ever able to reach the Pranking Master tier on their echeladders! It’s a prestigious title undeserving of your mockery!”

“So the Pranking Master seems to be unable to handle a few jibes when he is the target of the ridicule,” Rose smirked. “Is it possible that the pranking persona you have established for yourself is actually a defense mechanism that protects yourself against personal attacks?”

“Ugh. I’m not even sure how relevant your psychology stuff is anymore now that we’re in a completely new universe. I don’t even think this place ever had a version of Freud!”

“If the trolls had a Troll Freud, then anything is possible within the confines of paradox space.” Rose winced as she attempted to untangle a piece of confetti from her hair. “I actually found some of his theories rather interesting. Suggesting that a moirail acts as a romantic replacement for a lusus is really quite the thought-provoking notion, even if he was culled for suggesting it.”

“Bluh, I don’t even know what half the words you just said even are.” John then noticed that Rose was still struggling with removing the confetti sticking to her hair. “Uh… need some help with that?”

Rose stopped peeling confetti from her head to smile at John. “Thank you. A little help would be appreciated.” She pulled out a chair from the table and sat down. Glancing back at John, she said, “I hope you don’t mind if I situate myself like this. It would probably be simpler if you observed my head from this angle, rather than looking straight at it.”

“Okay, just let me know if I pull your hair or anything!” John started sifting his fingers through the blond strands, detangling any sticky pieces of confetti that he happened upon. Rose remained unmoving on the chair, but her eyes continuously darted up in an attempt to see what John was doing. It felt… nice, feeling his fingers through her hair like that.

Finally, John broke the silence by commenting, “I never really thought that at the end of this prank, I would be helping out a person that fell for it.”

Rose smiled at the thought. “It’s because you are a good friend, John, even if you don’t always want to acknowledge it. The fact that you’re a complete pushover might be a significant factor as well.”

John snorted, “See, it’s that sort of logic that makes me prank you guys! I need to retaliate somehow against the ridiculous gossip you spread about me.”

“It’s only gossip if you share these thoughts with others,” Rose smirked. “However, I have to admit that I am rather impressed by this prank, John. Increasing the temperature in order to encourage people to turn on the fans is clever. Although designing your jokes around the predicted action of others can make the actual success rate a bit unreliable.”

“Well, I figured at least some people would fall for it,” John grinned. “And what about you? You were actually one of my first victims, so I say it worked out pretty well.”

“You are now able to add ‘I Pranked the Seer of Light’ to your prankster resume.”

“It’s probably on the resume twenty times already.” Suddenly, John scrunched up his face in confusion. “You know, I always thought it would be harder to prank you since you can see the future or whatever. But I think I prank you more often now than I was able to back before you got your Seer powers!”

“It certainly helps that we see each other daily now instead of talking over Pesterchum,” Rose replied. She winced as John accidentally pulled too hard on her hair.

“Oh, sorry!” John awkwardly flattened her hair and patted her head as if to take away the pain. Exasperated, Rose turned her head to stare at John. John gave her two uneasy thumbs up. Rose merely shook her head in amusement before turning her head forward. He cleared his throat before going through Rose’s hair, more carefully this time. “Anyway… even when we talked on Pesterchum you never fell for any of my jokes! And you always seemed to know when I was doing something silly, even if I never told you.”

Rose smirked, “Oh yes, who could ever forget the many disguises you wore during your adventures in the Egbert household?”

“It was a legendary fight to defend the honor of a prankster!” John corrected. “But anyway, back then, I always thought it was because you’re super smart and you love to analyze people and what they’re doing. But now I think that maybe you were somehow using your SBURB powers without even realizing it!”

“The powers of a Seer are more complex than simply seeing into the future. I explained this to Dave. Surely he passed on some of this knowledge to you?”

John rolled his eyes. “I think he said that the less time he spent thinking about the fucking meteor and goddamn flirty broads and screaming assholes the better.”

“About what could be expected from him. Well,” Rose explained, “a Seer can see the possible paths that could be taken through the specific aspect assigned. For example, in simplistic terms, Terezi can see various offshoots of reality based on the actions that an individual could feasibly take in a situation. It is her judgment as a Seer to guide these choices according to what she views as the best reality for her allies. On the other hand, I see various paths illuminated before me when I consider the most fortuitous path overall to guide allies on.”

“None of that was in simplistic terms, you know,” John commented jokingly as he pulled out the last piece of confetti sticking to Rose’s hair. “So I guess you must see it as a good thing to fall for my pranks so often.” She froze in her seat, and John’s raised his eyebrows. “Wait… you aren’t actually falling for my pranks on purpose, are you?”

“…Not precisely,” Rose hesitantly said.

John stepped over to look at her. “Rose, are you… blushing?” he asked, astonished by what he was seeing.

“It could be that the heat is finally getting to me. I never did turn on the fan or receive a drink, after all,” Rose stared John down while keeping her face impassive. John was not so easily deterred.

“Nope! I don’t believe you.” John pulled out a chair from the table and sat on it backwards, facing Rose. “We’re going to sit here until you tell me what’s really going on with you!”

“You should be warned that I can patiently wait for hours if I have to. I don’t typically give up easily on something like this.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that we won’t have to wait that long!” John smiled as he folded his arms. Rose sighed before placing her hands in her lap and crossing her legs. She stared at John, and her face did not even twitch from an urge to blink. John grinned back, not bothering to look away. However, after several minutes he started to tap his feet while glancing around the room. After several more minutes he stretched out his arms and placed them on his lap. Looking back at Rose, he saw that she did not move at all, apart from a small smile forming on her face.

“Fine! You win.” John threw up his hands in surrender. “Obviously you aren’t going to talk. So I’ll start by telling you about what’s been bugging _me_ lately. You don’t tell me about what’s bothering you anymore! You used to at least talk about your weird passive aggressive antics, but now you don’t even really do that.”

“So, in essence, you’re complaining about what I’m doing right now?”

“Um… yeah! Why won’t you at least tell me how you’re doing?”

“You actually miss that?”

“Well, sure! I’m your friend. I like to hear about all the stupid antics you get up to!”

“Hmm… I see that you’re going to be unreasonably persistent about this.” Rose looked down at her hands. “Very well. Instead of telling you about my own stupid antics, let me propose a hypothetical situation, John.”

“It’s a start, I guess.”

“Well, suppose someone was feeling an unusual amount of affection for another. So much, in fact, that the person would not know what to do about it. After all, there is always a risk involved in confronting another with one’s emotions. Would it be so unreasonable for the person to avoid bringing it up and the confusing feelings that would inevitably follow? Would it be so irrational to rely on what she believed would be the path with the most favorable outcome, so that both parties involved wound have the best chance of success?”

John sat quietly for a minute, trying to process what Rose said. She fidgeted with her fingers, still unable to look at John.

“So, when you’re talking about this person, you’re talking about…” He pointed awkwardly at her.

“Yes.”

“And the other person is…” He then pointed at himself.

“It’s nice to know that this anecdote has rendered you incapable of proper speech.”

“Sorry! It’s just… I’m a bit shocked and all.” John slumped back into chair. “Wow. So, uh… I guess you like me?”

“Well, if you must know, I adore you, John.” Rose’s entire face was red at this point. After a pause, she commented, “Saying those words was much easier than I imagined it would be. I suppose it makes this entire mess of confusing teenage feelings amusing in its own way.”

At this point, John was blushing too. “Where does getting pranked by me all the time come in, then?”

Rose squirmed uncomfortably in her seat as she replied, “I took a path that increased the likelihood of a favorable outcome, or at least what I perceived was favorable. It was a path that took into consideration how I am not one who could be expected to deal reliably with my own emotions, even at the best of times.”

“And being pranked by me somehow helped with this? That’s sort of silly! How does that even make sense?”

“I don’t see the end of a path, only that a path could lead to a good outcome, depending on my own definition of success. I suppose that at the time, I assumed it would lead to situations in which you would sweep me off my feet after you felt that you wooed me with your pranking skills.” Rose rolled her eyes. “In retrospect, the absurdity of that assumption is incredibly obvious.”

“You’ve been reading too many of Karkat’s romance novels.” John shifted his chair a few inches closer towards Rose. “But that’s fine! I think it’s kind of funny when you’re silly even though you’re trying to be serious and booksmart! I mean… um…” John looked down, embarrassed by the outburst. “Ugh, you’re not the only one that’s bad with emotions and stuff. But, I wouldn’t mind talking to you about them. Only if you could let me know what’s on your mind too! I actually like to hear what’s on your mind.”

“You poor soul,” Rose couldn’t keep herself from smiling.

“And maybe we could go out and do fun things while talking? Or stay here! I don’t mind.”

“Well, these ‘fun things’ that have nothing whatsoever to do with activities more commonly known as a date…”

“Yup! Nothing at all. Heheh.”

“…they certainly do sound like they would be delightful. What did you have in mind?”

“Um… maybe you could help me with my pranks? Since you’re so interested in them and all.” He grinned at her. “Maybe you would like to be the pranker instead of the prankee for once?”

“I think I will take you up on that offer, John.” Rose’s smile suddenly became devious. “I believe that there are some fans yet to be turned on in this household. That situation should quickly be remedied.”

“Aw man, you’re right!” He suddenly stood up, narrowing his eyes at the hallway. “I can’t even feel a breeze or anything! We need to turn up the heat even more or something.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Rose walked over to John and grabbed his hand. He glanced down to where their fingers were intertwined, but before he could say anything about it, she started pulling him down the hallway towards the other rooms in the house.

“I suspect that some windows were opened because of the heat,” Rose looked at John. “If you keep the air currents still, I’m sure that our friends will become uncomfortable rather quickly.”

“Yeah, sounds great, but…” John pulled back on Rose to stop her from walking forward. “Are you okay right now? Just wanted to ask.”

She looked down at her shoes before shrugging. “I believe that I am running on some sort of emotional high right now, so I’m just going with it.” Suddenly, she moved forward and quickly pressed her lips to John’s before pulling back. As John stammered in shock, Rose stared directly at him and smiled. “But I am perfectly okay with what’s going on. I hope that you are as well.”

“Wow. Wow. Um. Is that included in the fun things that we can do?” John asked in a daze.

“You’ll have to find out,” Rose winked before grabbing John’s hand again and pulling him forward.

John shook his head and laughed. “I didn’t even know you winked, Rose! I guess we do have a lot of stuff to talk about and catch up on.”

“First, we have some people to prank.”

At the end of the day, every single person was struggling to remove confetti from their clothes and hair. However, John and Rose were conspicuously absent from the group as they floated in the sky, giggling at the misery of all the people below.


End file.
